I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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