sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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