I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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