Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
