Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
whose parrot is this?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
