Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
