Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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