My liver just broke up with me...
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
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I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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