I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
