Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
