Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
