ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
