Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
