Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
