For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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