The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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