Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question