It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory