ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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