Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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