the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
