Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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