Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
