i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
We were destined to go to rehab together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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