Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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