R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
