He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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