I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't deserve a penis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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