she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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