I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
