In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
