There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
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