You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
