I'm so fucking centered right now
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
