Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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