is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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