@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
