That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
