you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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