i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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