so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
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