Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
