: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Every concussion has its silver lining
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
