I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
