Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
