lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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