I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
