Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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