I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize