Where did you get a picture of my penis
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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