We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
