i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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