i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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