how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
