I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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