he puts the penis in happiness.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
