this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
