I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
