Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
