Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
