It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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