people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
