I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
