omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
