he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
