Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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