I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
