..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
