I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
