he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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