toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My bed smells like the plague
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
