I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
