one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
