That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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