out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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