I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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