i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you traded sex for a burrito?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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