Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We are all done wearing pants today
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
