just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
