ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
